Charmed

Could she be a witch or just a fair maiden?
She makes me want to blurt out my feelings that are quite hidden
She makes me want to lose myself and be a fool for everyone to see
But at the same time, she makes me want to be superhuman and be anything I want to be

It seems that she has me under her spell
Following her where ever she goes may that be heaven or hell
A touch of her skin sends me flying to oblivion
The sound of her voice intoxicates me like an addiction

Seemingly a rebel but an angel in disguise
Do I love her? Of course, without thinking twice
Even if she makes me wait for an hour or two
I can wait until forever if I have to
I may look mad and act as if I want to leave her behind
But she can take her sweet time, I don’t really mind

I always give her a hard time and tease her often, you see
She probably thinks she does not mean that much to me
But in truth, she's the one I can't live without
And I have fallen head over heels without a doubt

She's clumsy like me and forgetful too
But somehow, I can't make myself find someone new
And no matter how many times she tries to drive me away
By her side, I will always stay

Like a tide rising during a storm
Like a baby in the verge of being born
Loving her scares me to death
But she's the source of my joy until my last breath

My Plea

you said you would never fall for someone like me
that no matter how hard i try we will never be
you're too afraid to try and too cynical to give us a chance
you got all these criteria of how love should be
but love shouldn't labeled or be limited
it is far greater than the society's ill-conceived notions
or what's written on so-called love guru blogs or books
it is full of possibilities. of hope. of faith

what if i was the one you've been waiting for
the one missing piece of the puzzle you've been putting together
what if you're looking at all the wrong places
when the love you truly deserve
the one who stays and never leaves
the one who loves you for your beauty and your flaws
the one who breaks when she sees you cry
the one who will defy the world just to make you smile

i may not come wrap in bow with silver lining and flashy things
i may not be the knight in shining armor that you read about with fairly tale endings
but i will be there holding your hand when the curtain falls
i will be there wiping your tears when your world crumbles
i will be there when everything fades
i will be there when no one else remains
because without you, i cease to live
there is nothing in this world i wouldn't give
if i don't have you as my wife
i may still be alive but without a soul inside

LOVE IS THE VICTORY OF MY HEART

"There is only one sin - lack of love. Be brave, be capable of loving, even if love seems a terrible and treacherous thing. Find joy in LOVE. Find joy in VICTORY. Follow the dictates of your HEART."
-- Paul Coelho (The Valkyries)

If I do not know how to love, then what kind of human would I be? Would I even be human if I do not have the slightest idea of what love is and what love can be? I have had my heart broken numerous times. And which heart break, I promised myself I will never let anyone hurt me again. No one has the right to make a fool out of me again.

But the biggest fool turned out to be me after all. Because no matter how many times I have uttered those words, I found myself falling in love again. It seemed as if I have forgotten about the pain and the stupidities that came with falling in love. A travesty, is it not? Here I am again. Writing blogs. Writing these words as if I have never been hurt. Writing them as if I have never been in love before. Full of hope. Full of vibrant energy. Like a little girl smitten with her first crush. Though staring into nothingness, it does not bother me. With a simple glance, my whole body shivers. Like a candle that has been lit, my heart burns and glows in darkness. Like a hardened wax, the facade of a bitter lover with a cold heart slowly melts. It reveals a helpless child looking for love. The embers of false promises and betrayal from the past are extinguished. Love breathes life to everything it touches even to those who have thought they have died when their lovers leave. Reborn with new hope. Stronger than the previous battle.

I had a conversation about love with a friend a few nights ago. "I wanted to be loved," I revealed. I'm tired of one-way streets. Dead ends. Detours. I deserve to find the one who sees me for my flaws and imperfections yet still loves me just the same. Without reservations to whatever repercussions. Because even if I am not perfect, I am still worthy. Each of us is worthy. Worthy of love. Requited love. Worthy of unconditional love in a very conditional world. Everything seems to have conditions these days. And should love be the same? Should it, too, fit the society's mold? But why should the most basic aspect of our lives needs to be negotiated. Should love be a transaction? That whoever decides to fall in love must get what they bargain for. May that be affection or energy. "There is an opportunity cost to everything that you want," my Economics professor once said. Should that include love?

Because love, in its purest form, never asks for something in return. It never loses though it has given everything. It gets satisfaction nonetheless. Because true love is about loving one's self first before loving anyone else. How can you love someone else when you do not have love for your own? You never ask for love in return. Because if you have loved true, like a mirror, love will reflect back to you.

I revel on the idea of me holding your hand. The two of us sitting side by side under the moonlit sky. The world continues to revolve but we are frozen in that moment forever. LOVE IS THE VICTORY OF MY HEART. And I will get to it one day. I will get my "transactions" in order. I will get to you one day. Do not behold this as a cowardice, my love. For I am not giving up on you. I am not succumbing to the awe and terror that love brings. I am taking it all in. I am letting it drown me. I am letting it wash all my insecurities and inhibitions. Because you do not deserve half of me. YOU DESERVE ALL OF ME.

And so, I will let these words echo through valleys, through mountains, through oceans and through empty spaces,
" I love you..."

My love, I hope you hear it.

My Heaven

I will sleep tonight
With a smile on my face
I saw you again
I saw your heavenly face

We talked
I don't know if you notice
I can't look at you
I melt in my place

Your mere voice makes me shiver
Shiver in delight
An intoxication that feeds the soul
An addiction that satisfies my whole being

The perfume that you wear bewitches me
Making me into something I wouldn't normally be
It's like I've been put on a spell
Following you wherever you go
Maybe that be in heaven or hell
Baby I will still be there

My Cocaine

I cannot help myself
You are, indeed, my addiction
I have to get my fix everyday
I got to have you straight to my veins

Just seeing you there
I cannot breathe
I cannot speak
Your stares are making me weak

You make me lose it
Walking around like I'm dazed and confused
So don't stare at me like the way you do
Or else it will be your fault
I might lose control and be all over you

I watch you sleep in the dark
And with the silhouettes you make
How much more I can take?
An angel to behold
Someone as good as you
I kept asking myself
Do I deserve you?

I must have done something good in my past life
Or maybe the Guy upstairs have a soft spot for me
Because He gave me the greatest thing
A mere human being like me can have
He gave you

Forever Yours

I’m so torn

Torn into pieces

Don’t know what to do

Can’t seem to get this out

It’s hanging over my head

It’s taking over my heart

I’m in love

And I don’t know where to start

I’m in love

And I don't know what to do

I can't seem to get any sleep

Always thinking

Always longing

When will I get rid of this disease?

I’m psychotic

I’m paranoid

I’m delusional

I’m forever

Forever yours

Happy Ending

Candlelight dinner for two
And I'll cook if you want me to
Or maybe we'll have a picnic down the beach
In a place where our phones are out of reach
We can frolic on the sand all day
And when you get tired from walking and running down the bay
I'll give you a foot massage at the end of the day

There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
Whatever your heart desires
I'll listen to them intently
And with each day spent with you
I'll make all your desires a reality
And I will take my time making you mine
There's no rush because I know at the end of it
Baby, I know you're way worth it

I will never let tears touch your face
But if it happens, tears of joy will be the only case
I'll take a one-way ticket to your heart
And from you, I will never part
I sleep and only dream of you
I wake and only think of you

Your face, heaven's fallen angel
Beautiful yet forbidden
You, 8th world wonder
So amazing, so breathtaking

I've seen your flaws
Your imperfections
I've experienced you having your moments
From tantrums to silent treatments
I've seen you when your vulnerable, defensive, and insecure
Yet nothing has changed about how I feel
I still love every bit of you
I loved you more now than I ever did before

So baby, you don't have to worry
These eyes and this heart of mine will never wander
The vow I made is engraved in forever
I will honor you and the One who gave you to me
And the happy ending you thought was impossible
Baby, it is here now with you and me...

Lover's Bliss

Breakfast in bed
Whatever you like
Just say it
Without having second thoughts
I'll gladly do it
May it be under the sheets all day
It doesn't really matter to me

It feels like I'm losing my mind
But I'm not complaining
This is exactly where I want to be
Floating on air
Tucked beneath your deepest, darkest secrets
I'm drowning
Losing myself in you

My fingers make their journey through every inch of you
Tracing the treasures your hiding from within
But please do not let me wander any further
This searching makes me want you even more
My heart just might explode
Because it's just in awe
With this beauty I behold

We're letting time stands still
So do what you will
I'm your slave
It is only you, I crave
I'm your prisoner
My body and soul, I surrender
So take your time if you will
We have our lifetime to discover
What might we lose if we do not have each other

Night's Bliss

strawberry chapstick aftertaste
no minute shall go to waste
sun sets midnight
moon relents without a fight

she aims then misses
twilight dawns playful kisses
buried underneath the sheets
bodies sway during the feat

roses scattered across the bedroom floor
silence echoes behind closed doors
toss and turn, bodies sweat
endless nights with no regrets

a ring on her finger
a love meant to linger
during the day, they're never together
as night falls, they return to forever

A Love Letter

the lines on my hands
they lead me to you
but will that day ever come
or will i wait forever in vain without you?

the days are getting shorter
the nights are getting colder
a prayer whispered in the wind
longing for an answer

love me for my flaws
for i am not perfect
love me for my faults
for i do make mistakes

love me for my sillyness
and childish ways
and i will do the same
until our dying days

i will be your greatest fan
cheering for you as curtains fall
i will be your devil's advocate
i will be real and won't sugar-coat it

my eyes will never wander
my heart will never falter
body and soul
to you, i surrender

and so until that day
i will patiently wait
take your time
until forever, i'm willing to wait

because true love waits
true love never hesitates
and when i saw your face
i know i found my place

There's This Girl

There's this girl
She came into the room
And everything stopped
Yet my heart's beating uncontrollably

There's this girl
I could never stop talking about
Then she comes around
And no words would come out

There's this girl
who occupies my thoughts
from morning until night
Even when she's out of sight

There's this girl
who holds my heart
She doesn't know
Will she ever know?

There's this girl
I will love all my life
The day I saw her
I want her to be my wife

There's this girl
Across the room
she smiles and breaks my heart
as I see her holding someone else's hand

She May Be

she may be
the loudest sleeper
yet i still love her
she maybe be craziest driver
damn, i still love her

she may curse like a gangster
she may burp like a man
she may beat me in everything
from basketball to silly trivias
but damn i still love her

she leaves the water running
and always forgets her keys in the morning
she throws tantrums when she doesn't get it her way
she's up in the middle of the night
but sleeps in the middle of the day

she maybe my greatest weakness
because it seems when she's around
my lungs tighten up
my knees shake like crazy
and being logical is no longer in my vocabulary

Stuffed Empty

I think I have lost it. Like a song on the radio played over and over and over again. It seemed marvelous at first but the more they played it, the more it lost its magic. I have been sitting here dissecting my brain. Looking for motivations. Looking for an inspiration. I have been squeezing the juices of my exhausted brain. Yet nothing.

I guess I have to come clean
There's no way of pretending
I need to see you.
It's driving me crazy, you see
How many more days should I pretend I could last another day without seeing your face
Because I can't. Another minute seems like forever
And the clock struck midnight again and it's becoming a habit
Sleepless nights of senseless and endless ramblings
Dissecting my brain.
Trying to make sense of the uncertainty
Trying to make sense of this recurring dream
And so it goes, my sanity down the drain
Turn off the light now and it's still would be the same

Wish I could take my heart out now
and my brain along with it
I have been damned
And I need to be saved
I have nothing left to offer
Nothing else is left but these three words
"I love you..."

Will you make me feel again?
Will you make me alive again?
Because what use do I have for this heart?
What use do I have for this brain?
My hearts beats for no one else
My brain thinks of no one else
But you...

Have Me

Why do we build mansions for the one we love?
Yet destroy the castles of the one who loves us
I still wonder why you love him
When there could have been someone else loving you better

Are you afraid that you're going to get hurt?
Are you afraid of losing it all?
But the heart is something that you shouldn't be playing with
When it’s not only your that breaks but someone else’s

Am I seeing what I wanted to see in you?
Do I know this person standing right in front of me?
I don't want to think bout it
But the more I look at you
It becomes clearer and clearer
I don't know you at all

Have I put you on a pedestal when I shouldn't have?
We talk about different things
And through that I thought I knew you enough
But do I really know
Or have I been fooled by you?

Why can't we be all just like him?
Why can't we be given a chance to build your castles?
I see you perfectly just the way you are
Yet he finds reasons to destroy all of your beauty

Will it still be worth it?
Now that I know
You might not be the person I thought of
The person I have loved and cherished
Does she even exist at all?
Or is it just mirage
An illusion that I have created

Yet here I am still
Mesmerized
Fixated on your picture
In spite all these complications
I still know the answer
No matter who you maybe
I will love you still
In the end, you will still have me

Knocked Out

knock, knock, knock
you knock me out
it's official
you're the one i can't live without

you're the air that i breathe
you're the fire in my core
i long for each day to have you near
and with you, there is nothing that i fear

i'll brave anything that comes around
with every battle, i stand my ground
but it seems that you're my kryptonite
you win me over without a fight

the sight of you makes me weak
i'm lost for words and cannot speak
you have me in your spell
i'm head over heals for you, can't you tell?

no matter how bad my day goes
it doesn't matter when i have you close
you're my rainbow at the end of a storm
you're the chorus of my favorite song

so is it your eyes?
that left me in daze
is your smile?
that left me floored

or could it be those little things
that no one ever notices
i don't know what it is exactly
no reason at all, quite frankly

i just simply do
no elaborate explanations
i just love you
with no reservations

In Love in The Dark

I walked through the empty corridor
Footsteps resounded from the distance
Shadows moved through the dim lit walkway
I have seen this before
I have felt this before
"Déjà vu," I whispered

I felt my lungs contract
Suddenly, as if I was inside a vacuum
My heart beat in slow motion
Suddenly, as if I was stuck in oblivion

But I was misguided
Because as I saw you standing there
It became clear to me
I have never felt this before
I have never seen someone so amazing before

I had papers in my hand
With scribbles of words you will never read
Because words do not do justice
Even the most eloquently astounding words won't suffice

Love letters could they be?
Sleepless nights I spent in the dark
They played tricks in my mind
Lies I told myself
I will leave everything behind
But as cold air blows through my open window
I seat here typing these words in the shadow...

You are my happy ending
You breathe life to my dying soul
You are the surge of energy to my dead battery
You are the sparkle in my eyes
You are the muscle that makes my face smile
Whether it is wrong or right
You are the love of my life...

But not all we want in this world we get
I played it over and over in my head exactly how I want things to be
But for some reason I cannot bring myself to pursue this
And to ask God for you

I've been in love before but never have I restrained myself
For once, I cannot ask Him to answer my silent prayer
Because you deserve more than that
That no matter how much I love you, it is not enough of an excuse
It is not enough.

If God somehow gives me what my heart silently yearns for
I cannot ask you to make that sacrifice for me.
I cannot make you suffer because of me
And so it remains,
Beneath the facade
I will love you in the dark...

Crossword Puzzle of My Heart

crossword puzzles in my heart
chaos or bliss, i couldn't tell them apart
up or down, i can't seem to figure it out
but i'm falling for you without a doubt

i'm falling deeply as each day passes
i'm more out of place as this feeling progresses
24/7 you're stuck in my brain
my heart is in bliss but still in pain

so these words left unspoken
should i say them now?
or even if i did
would i still be broken somehow?

would you listen?
would you let me in?
or would you close your door?
and tell me just to give in?

would you give me the time of day?
would you stay me with me and never go away?
would you tell your friends about me?
or would you keep all of it in secrecy?

because these stolen glances hurt my eyes
i don't know for how long i can keep my disguise
and i have all these questions hanging overhead
it would be so much better if i have you instead

but they said, "good things come to those who wait."
and with someone as good as you, it's definitely worth the wait
like wine, you get better with time
rushing this through would be such crime

so i'm letting you go in the meantime
but i'm not leaving it all behind
because there is no day that goes by
that i don't find an excuse to keep you in mind

it doesn't mean i'm loving you less
and there's someone else i want to caress
but if God allows, He will make you see
in my prayers is where i keep you and me