LOVE IS THE VICTORY OF MY HEART

"There is only one sin - lack of love. Be brave, be capable of loving, even if love seems a terrible and treacherous thing. Find joy in LOVE. Find joy in VICTORY. Follow the dictates of your HEART."
-- Paul Coelho (The Valkyries)

If I do not know how to love, then what kind of human would I be? Would I even be human if I do not have the slightest idea of what love is and what love can be? I have had my heart broken numerous times. And which heart break, I promised myself I will never let anyone hurt me again. No one has the right to make a fool out of me again.

But the biggest fool turned out to be me after all. Because no matter how many times I have uttered those words, I found myself falling in love again. It seemed as if I have forgotten about the pain and the stupidities that came with falling in love. A travesty, is it not? Here I am again. Writing blogs. Writing these words as if I have never been hurt. Writing them as if I have never been in love before. Full of hope. Full of vibrant energy. Like a little girl smitten with her first crush. Though staring into nothingness, it does not bother me. With a simple glance, my whole body shivers. Like a candle that has been lit, my heart burns and glows in darkness. Like a hardened wax, the facade of a bitter lover with a cold heart slowly melts. It reveals a helpless child looking for love. The embers of false promises and betrayal from the past are extinguished. Love breathes life to everything it touches even to those who have thought they have died when their lovers leave. Reborn with new hope. Stronger than the previous battle.

I had a conversation about love with a friend a few nights ago. "I wanted to be loved," I revealed. I'm tired of one-way streets. Dead ends. Detours. I deserve to find the one who sees me for my flaws and imperfections yet still loves me just the same. Without reservations to whatever repercussions. Because even if I am not perfect, I am still worthy. Each of us is worthy. Worthy of love. Requited love. Worthy of unconditional love in a very conditional world. Everything seems to have conditions these days. And should love be the same? Should it, too, fit the society's mold? But why should the most basic aspect of our lives needs to be negotiated. Should love be a transaction? That whoever decides to fall in love must get what they bargain for. May that be affection or energy. "There is an opportunity cost to everything that you want," my Economics professor once said. Should that include love?

Because love, in its purest form, never asks for something in return. It never loses though it has given everything. It gets satisfaction nonetheless. Because true love is about loving one's self first before loving anyone else. How can you love someone else when you do not have love for your own? You never ask for love in return. Because if you have loved true, like a mirror, love will reflect back to you.

I revel on the idea of me holding your hand. The two of us sitting side by side under the moonlit sky. The world continues to revolve but we are frozen in that moment forever. LOVE IS THE VICTORY OF MY HEART. And I will get to it one day. I will get my "transactions" in order. I will get to you one day. Do not behold this as a cowardice, my love. For I am not giving up on you. I am not succumbing to the awe and terror that love brings. I am taking it all in. I am letting it drown me. I am letting it wash all my insecurities and inhibitions. Because you do not deserve half of me. YOU DESERVE ALL OF ME.

And so, I will let these words echo through valleys, through mountains, through oceans and through empty spaces,
" I love you..."

My love, I hope you hear it.

My Heaven

I will sleep tonight
With a smile on my face
I saw you again
I saw your heavenly face

We talked
I don't know if you notice
I can't look at you
I melt in my place

Your mere voice makes me shiver
Shiver in delight
An intoxication that feeds the soul
An addiction that satisfies my whole being

The perfume that you wear bewitches me
Making me into something I wouldn't normally be
It's like I've been put on a spell
Following you wherever you go
Maybe that be in heaven or hell
Baby I will still be there

My Cocaine

I cannot help myself
You are, indeed, my addiction
I have to get my fix everyday
I got to have you straight to my veins

Just seeing you there
I cannot breathe
I cannot speak
Your stares are making me weak

You make me lose it
Walking around like I'm dazed and confused
So don't stare at me like the way you do
Or else it will be your fault
I might lose control and be all over you

I watch you sleep in the dark
And with the silhouettes you make
How much more I can take?
An angel to behold
Someone as good as you
I kept asking myself
Do I deserve you?

I must have done something good in my past life
Or maybe the Guy upstairs have a soft spot for me
Because He gave me the greatest thing
A mere human being like me can have
He gave you

Forever Yours

I’m so torn

Torn into pieces

Don’t know what to do

Can’t seem to get this out

It’s hanging over my head

It’s taking over my heart

I’m in love

And I don’t know where to start

I’m in love

And I don't know what to do

I can't seem to get any sleep

Always thinking

Always longing

When will I get rid of this disease?

I’m psychotic

I’m paranoid

I’m delusional

I’m forever

Forever yours

Happy Ending

Candlelight dinner for two
And I'll cook if you want me to
Or maybe we'll have a picnic down the beach
In a place where our phones are out of reach
We can frolic on the sand all day
And when you get tired from walking and running down the bay
I'll give you a foot massage at the end of the day

There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
Whatever your heart desires
I'll listen to them intently
And with each day spent with you
I'll make all your desires a reality
And I will take my time making you mine
There's no rush because I know at the end of it
Baby, I know you're way worth it

I will never let tears touch your face
But if it happens, tears of joy will be the only case
I'll take a one-way ticket to your heart
And from you, I will never part
I sleep and only dream of you
I wake and only think of you

Your face, heaven's fallen angel
Beautiful yet forbidden
You, 8th world wonder
So amazing, so breathtaking

I've seen your flaws
Your imperfections
I've experienced you having your moments
From tantrums to silent treatments
I've seen you when your vulnerable, defensive, and insecure
Yet nothing has changed about how I feel
I still love every bit of you
I loved you more now than I ever did before

So baby, you don't have to worry
These eyes and this heart of mine will never wander
The vow I made is engraved in forever
I will honor you and the One who gave you to me
And the happy ending you thought was impossible
Baby, it is here now with you and me...

Lover's Bliss

Breakfast in bed
Whatever you like
Just say it
Without having second thoughts
I'll gladly do it
May it be under the sheets all day
It doesn't really matter to me

It feels like I'm losing my mind
But I'm not complaining
This is exactly where I want to be
Floating on air
Tucked beneath your deepest, darkest secrets
I'm drowning
Losing myself in you

My fingers make their journey through every inch of you
Tracing the treasures your hiding from within
But please do not let me wander any further
This searching makes me want you even more
My heart just might explode
Because it's just in awe
With this beauty I behold

We're letting time stands still
So do what you will
I'm your slave
It is only you, I crave
I'm your prisoner
My body and soul, I surrender
So take your time if you will
We have our lifetime to discover
What might we lose if we do not have each other

Night's Bliss

strawberry chapstick aftertaste
no minute shall go to waste
sun sets midnight
moon relents without a fight

she aims then misses
twilight dawns playful kisses
buried underneath the sheets
bodies sway during the feat

roses scattered across the bedroom floor
silence echoes behind closed doors
toss and turn, bodies sweat
endless nights with no regrets

a ring on her finger
a love meant to linger
during the day, they're never together
as night falls, they return to forever

A Love Letter

the lines on my hands
they lead me to you
but will that day ever come
or will i wait forever in vain without you?

the days are getting shorter
the nights are getting colder
a prayer whispered in the wind
longing for an answer

love me for my flaws
for i am not perfect
love me for my faults
for i do make mistakes

love me for my sillyness
and childish ways
and i will do the same
until our dying days

i will be your greatest fan
cheering for you as curtains fall
i will be your devil's advocate
i will be real and won't sugar-coat it

my eyes will never wander
my heart will never falter
body and soul
to you, i surrender

and so until that day
i will patiently wait
take your time
until forever, i'm willing to wait

because true love waits
true love never hesitates
and when i saw your face
i know i found my place

There's This Girl

There's this girl
She came into the room
And everything stopped
Yet my heart's beating uncontrollably

There's this girl
I could never stop talking about
Then she comes around
And no words would come out

There's this girl
who occupies my thoughts
from morning until night
Even when she's out of sight

There's this girl
who holds my heart
She doesn't know
Will she ever know?

There's this girl
I will love all my life
The day I saw her
I want her to be my wife

There's this girl
Across the room
she smiles and breaks my heart
as I see her holding someone else's hand